So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
