yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
