I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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