Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
two words: eviction party
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
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