I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
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