I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
