ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
