And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
I know her cup size but not her name....
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