I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
