Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
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How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
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That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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