I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
