i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
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