And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
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