dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Randomize
