I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
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