You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
