i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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