He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
