As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
