i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
