next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize