I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
