I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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