the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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