Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
