remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
He shit in the fireplace
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
