your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I'm too high and old for this...
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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