hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
