remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
