My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
