piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
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