I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
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