God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Randomize
