its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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