The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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