I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
