Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
