She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
What a dumb baby whore.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
