your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
