i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
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