its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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