Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
