glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Randomize