lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
