I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
There r osticjed everywhere
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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