mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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