So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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