I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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