I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Randomize
