He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
