respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
