dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
