I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Randomize
