i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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