"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
