I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
