just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
MIDGETS
????
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
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