Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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