First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize
