She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
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