Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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