it's too hot outside to masturbate.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
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I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
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In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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