Hey man sorry I got all grabby
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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